Having confidence isn’t something that we can gain overnight, it’s a process trusting in yourself in every part of your daily life. Growing up, I wouldn’t say I had an abundance of confidence, I wasn’t an outgoing extrovert child, and as an adult, I wasn’t particularly outspoken, so how did I increase my confidence where I am comfortable with who I am?
Confidence is like any other emotion, it’s a feeling where it comes and goes. And as humans we are always consistently trying to evolve and be better. In this blog I will highlight the major turning points in my life which saw changes in my confidence. The more I discovered about myself the more my confidence grew.
What Is Confidence and Self-Esteem?
Before we delve deeper, it’s essential to clarify what we mean by confidence. Confidence refers to the belief in a person’s abilities to take action, while self-esteem is how a person perceives their own self-worth or value. Both are interconnected and it’s possible to feel confident in specific areas whilst still struggling with low self-esteem. I always like to describe confidence being the circle and the self esteem being the core of that circle. Having little self esteem means that your confidence will also be limited. The bigger the core, the bigger the outer circle will be.
The Slow Journey of Self-Discovery
Building confidence is more a journey of self-discovery and growth that unfolds gradually. I am a firm believer that understanding who you are through different lived experiences, challenges, and engaging with people across different life stages enhanced this confidence journey for me. During my education, I wasn’t a person who had a special talent. I was average in everything. For academics, gaining B’s in most my subjects, I didn’t go to any clubs that I could particularly nurture. But I had a curiosity for learning new things to find my talent and I liked to find out about other people’s lives and how they lived it. I could ask 100 questions about a person’s life and would still be intrigued by the choices that made them who they are today. This is why I had found a passion for acting, as actors we are always asking why did they do something, how does this relate to the character you are playing.
How I Found My Confidence
1. Finding My Talent
The way that I found what I’m good at was trying many different activities. Choosing hobbies that you can pursue alone or in a group is an excellent way to build confidence. I always loved acting and by being with other people who shared the same passion made it easier to become good at that hobby and then turn it into a skill.
Activities such as painting, writing, or even gardening can provide a sense of accomplishment. Through solo hobbies, you learn to enjoy your own company, and this self-appreciation can boost your self-esteem. Alternatively, you can opt for group hobbies that allow for social engagement and teamwork. Whether it’s joining a local sports team or participating in a dance class, group activities help establish connections. Both solo or group activities can raise self-esteem through positive social skills.
2. Talk to people from all walks of life
During my Masters in Voice, even though there was 12 of us, the experience of people on the course was varied. People who had children, people commuting 2 hours to drama school, people who spoke 3 languages. People who had a lot of life experience. I was in fact the youngest on my course, at the age of 21, along with 3 others, everyone else was older.
Talking to people from different walks of life helps break down barriers of self-doubt. When I had conversations with all people, I was able to appreciate their wisdom and what it took for them to build their life the way that they had. It reminded me that confidence can be built through action, regardless of age or experience.
3. Celebrate your accomplishments
In a world that often focuses on what needs to be done next or how we can improve, it’s easy to overlook our accomplishments. Celebrating small victories and recognising our achievements is crucial in building confidence. When you actively celebrate your achievements, you create an inner narrative that emphasises your abilities. This shift in focus from what you lack to what you have accomplished keeps your resilience and encourages you to take further risks.
Growing up I wouldn’t celebrate my achievements because I saw achievements if you only got 100%, so there was no point celebrating if I had achieved that outcome. But setting up my own business has made me rethink what the achievements are and we should celebrate because that gives us the motivation and boosts our confidence even more. I now have a little pot of Emily’s celebrations which ranges from eating chocolate to buy myself a nice experience to reward myself for the hard work I’ve put in or when I’ve achieved a goal.
4. Positive Mindset
Nurturing a positive mindset is a fundamental basic for both confidence and self-esteem. What we think significantly influences how we feel about ourselves. Negative self-talk can be debilitating, but with consistent practice, it’s possible to rewire your thought patterns. Engaging in mindfulness and meditation can enhance your mental resilience. Allow some time for self-reflection and emotional awareness. Understanding your feelings and recognising triggers that lead to self-doubt are vital steps in bolstering self-confidence.
In my experience, I feel this has taken the longest time and it’s still an ongoing process that I have to keep practising daily. Thinking about gratitude and affirmations has been something I am doing more and more each day.
I’ve got my vision board, my manifestation book, my list of Whys to keep me on track with what I want to do in life.
5. Set Goals
Ambitious goals drive confidence. Setting clear, manageable goals allows you to track progress and gives you a sense of direction. But be accountable. There is no point setting goals if you’re not going to take action on the goals you set. Make sure it is achievable when you put the work into it. Breaking your goals down into actionable steps can make them feel less daunting. For example, if your goal is to build confidence in public speaking, start by practising a speech out loud, then in front of a mirror, then progress to sharing your ideas in a small group before addressing larger audiences. Each step forward reinforces your capabilities and builds your confidence progressively
For me, setting the goals wasn’t the issue and the hard work to get to the goal wasn’t the issue, it was the journey how I achieved the goal that was difficult. Because I’m so impatient I want to achieve the goals instantaneously.
This is how my confidence has transformed over the years, by doing this repetitively. If you’re on a similar path to how I was, not being sure how to boost your confidence and you feel intrigued by what I have written, I encourage you to explore my confidence course, where I help you engage in activities designed to challenge your self-perception, draw inspiration from diverse perspectives, and cultivate a resilient sense of self. Visit https://www.speakingvoices.com/speak-confidence-1to1
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