It’s the start of a new year and it’s time to give ourselves a bit of a TLC after the ups and downs of the past 2 years. Revitalise that mundane lockdown life and make it the best year yet. It sounds cheesy but if we are not making the most of everyday, we fall into the trap of all those days passing by and merging them into one. Covid19 has affected people's lives in many ways, but generally people have felt more vulnerable, more anxious, and more cautious, therefore leading to a lack of confidence and low self esteem. It’s horrible when you feel stuck or even worse when you feel like one bad thing is happening after another and you don’t know when it’s going to stop. I know what it’s like to enter those dark periods of your life and your confidence is crumbling all around you. You feel helpless with no self-control, but not anymore! If you want to start 2022 with a bit more zing, try these 12 steps to get your confidence back. It certainly helped me gain back my confidence.
What does confident mean?
Think back to when you were a child, that moment where you could take on the world, the ability to achieve anything by just believing that you could. Is confidence an emotion that can be regained? Of course. Everyone’s confidence will vary day to day and the level of confidence that you want to achieve is different. It’s the power of self-belief and the high self-esteem that you have inside. The word confident to me is a feeling that I have inside of “Yes I can!” I can show but also tell others and to be at my best without any ounce of doubt or hesitation.
Why is confidence important?
You are in control of your life. You are the master making the decisions that lead you to the life you want to live. The life that fills you with joy and success that you’re proud of. Finding your purpose, reaching those milestones, and sharing your passion are all things you can’t achieve without confidence. We need confidence all the time, to help us solve problems, to help us take risks and to help us connect with the world. Confidence keeps us motivated; it gives us the desire to choose the endless possibilities in life.
How to be a confident person?
The most important part before embarking on your journey to change how you are currently is to be aware of the problem itself. Since you have chosen to read this blog, it means you are already in the state of mind to change your current self. You’ll find that once you begin to read and understand more about being confident, you are more inquisitive with the relationships you create around you, with yourself and with others. Overtime, your body language and your mindset will change. You find out things about yourself that you didn’t know before and slowly you will grow and develop into the person you want to become. It’s time to build yourself up and let’s learn how to feel good about yourself.
1. Change Your Mindset
This is one of the hardest things to do. Your brain has to be nurtured and reasoned with in order to achieve the best results. If you tell your brain to be confident, your brain doesn’t know what to do with this instruction. It’s too vague and the brain doesn’t know how it can be achieved so this will not of any importance and therefore will be forgotten easily. Your brain has many events to comprehend throughout the day, it needs to filter out constant new information, so you need prioritise your goals in order to succeed. It will take time to be more confident, you need to be patient. It took me over 5 years to be at the level of confidence I am happy with. Take baby steps and figure things out one by one.
Start by being aware of what you say to yourself. Take your inner monologues and self-talks positively. We are our own worst critic, we tell ourselves the worst thing but this doesn’t help when it comes to gaining confidence. How can we gain confidence when we are talking down to ourselves at the same time? Logically, it doesn’t make sense. Stop saying negative phrases to yourself. Stop saying “it’s too difficult” try saying “I’ve got this.” Stop saying “I’m stupid” try saying “I’m smart, I’ve got a different idea.” Stop saying “I hate myself” try saying “I will improve the areas I dislike about myself.” Thinking positively and being kind to yourself is the only way to build a growth mindset.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
If it means that you need to delete your social media profiles, then go ahead. You cannot build yourself up if you are constantly checking what everyone else is doing. You are investing more time in other people than you are yourself. It’s good to build connections and network with others but if you are reading their posts and thinking “I wish I was doing that” or “their life is so much better than mine,” it’s time to stop and put that phone away. Also people tend to post their best life on social media, don’t let that convince you that you haven’t accomplished anything with your life. Focus on what you want to achieve and stay in your own lane.
3. Celebrate Your Achievements
In order, to be able to grow yourself and become a better person, it is vital to reward yourself when you reach your goals. When you want to accomplish your goal, your brain commits to it and your body makes the physical effort, so it would be nice to reward yourself with something you enjoy. For example, after going to the gym for 1 hour, reward yourself with a movie night or after ticking off your to-do list reward yourself with go out with your friends. No matter how small the goal is, by rewarding yourself your brain gives you dopamine and in turn makes you more productive and gives you more motivation for other goals.
4. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
Being around negative people will not help you achieve your goal of being confident. It’s draining to be around them as they withdraw all of your energy, and you don’t feel like doing anything when you are with those people. There’s no inspiration, no motivation, and no self-determination. If your network around you is full of negative people, move to a new place where you can find supportive people who can support you with your vision of where you want to be. Moving does not necessarily mean move to a new location, it’s just being able to have your own space, to give yourself time to think and plan what you want to do. Join a group, find new people who have similar interests to you, be curious about other people and maybe they will be the ones to help you along the way.
5. Gain Inspiration From Others
The more you connect with supportive people, you will start to gain inspiration from them. Listen to their stories, admire their journey, and learn from them, whether it’s an adult who has built their career or a child genius. You’ll start to ask questions about other people and question your life goals. What’s the key to their success? Having an open conversation helps create trust, be an active listener and be empathetic towards others. Give power back to yourself. Ask for help when you need to. Ask for feedback too, constructive criticism that will help you move forward.
6. Organise Your Space
Get rid of the junk, the mess in your house you no longer use. The bric-a-brac stuff that has been lingering around, that you said you might use but after a few years you still haven’t used it. Not only do you need to get rid of the mess, but be able to organise your space, so you know where things are, and it doesn’t take you a long time to find something. Get rid all of the distractions. Being able to organise your physical space will help to departmentalise your mind as well, so you are not thinking about everything or doing everything at once.
7. Write A List
This is a very helpful technique to begin to know what you want to focus on. Don’t make the list too exhaustive, just write a few things down that you want to achieve that day to start building your confidence. Keeping a list will help you prioritise what is important and it’s a way of organising your information so it’s not all in the mind. Also write down what you grateful for, this will keep you grounded. Personally, I like to write everything down with a pen and paper but creating lists on your phone that syncs to all your other devices such as Trello can also work too.
8. Learn From Your Mistakes
From the time, humans were first around til now, we are still trying to figure this one out. Let’s be honest it’s not a pleasant feeling to own up to our mistakes and to point out every mistake we made. There’s the sense embarrassment, guilt and the pressure and expectation to live up to. But how do we learn if we don’t make mistakes? Babies and children are always learning, and they know how to reapproach the same challenge, but adapt how they did it. Sometimes we might not even aware that we made a mistake. This is where we need to analyse the outcomes as well as the results to see where we can improve.
9. Keep Healthy
Allowing yourself to be healthy not only physically but mentally will help you in becoming confident. If you put the effort into looking after your body and your mind, you are one step closer to achieving your goals because you are ready to tackle the obstacles that stand in your way. Eat healthy foods. Try new foods, don’t stick to the same brands that you normally eat. Be active every day, try out new sports that you’ve always wanted to learn. Also keep the mind healthy too, keeping it engaged with by solving a puzzle or even having a go at a crossword.
10. Trust Yourself
The last step is to just believe and trust your gut instinct. Be the best you can by trusting the process, that what you are doing is right even though it may not seem like it yet. Trusting yourself is a huge part of your confidence. Stick to your own ethics and standards, don’t be swayed by others. Be able to express authentically what it is that you want to say and keep identifying what works for you. Be mindful of your existing beliefs and spend time getting to know your true self. Doing this will strengthen your decision making and improve the inner strengths that you already have.
You’ll find there are many benefits of self-confidence, knowing your self-worth, having self-respect, and learning how to be socially confident too. With these 10 steps you will be able to boost your confidence and start building a positive habit. Then anything is possible. If you want to develop your confidence further, book a discovery call with me today and take a look at the Speak Confidence course where we dive into every aspect of life and break them down into smaller chunks. Make sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Linkedin for more voice coaching tips and advice.